I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
