At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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