wanna go halves on a baby?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize