i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
