Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
