omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
