if you like me you must not know who I am
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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