I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
