Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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