the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
