My nipple is on Facebook.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
