You smell like a Billy Joel song
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
