You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
