He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
