So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
thus making me awesome and them whores
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize