I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize