Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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