omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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