"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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