According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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