Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
