Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
