I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
