...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
