There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
