Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
