your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
