I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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