no, he came in my armpit
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize