You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
