she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize