talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
