Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
