I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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