dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
