Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
