I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
