she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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