i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
