So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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