sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm too high and old for this...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
