The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
