Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
