Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
