It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
