Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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