Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
