I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
