i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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