My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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