i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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