i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
