I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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