party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
COCAINE IS GR8
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
