The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
