Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
