I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
