Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
