Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need a beard to bite.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
