my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
