Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
