So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
