White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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