I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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