What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
