If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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