You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
