My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
